


Day In The Life of Brace

by destimushi



Category: Taboo (TV 2017)
Genre: Brace's ramblings, Delaney is a horrible boss, Gen, Parody, Taboo season 1 spoilers, a day in the life of Brace, dear diary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-06
Updated: 2018-12-06
Packaged: 2019-09-12 17:04:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16876779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/destimushi/pseuds/destimushi
Summary: Dear Diary, I tried to make pleasant conversation with James but he ignored me and said he would rather talk to his mother. She's been dead for 20 years.When life gets too crazy living with the Delaneys, Brace, the ever loyal butler, turns to his trusty diary.





	Day In The Life of Brace

**Author's Note:**

> Iamnmbr3 and I have been on and off rambling about Taboo, and the ramblings of Brace is born. We got so many we decided to post them here to store them all in once place. Hopefully you're as entertained reading these as we have been coming up with them! This is our brainchild, and she will be added as co-author as soon as her account comes through.
> 
> Meanwhile, check out her [Tumblr here](https://iamnmbr3.tumblr.com/)!

Dear Diary, Young Master James is home! Rejoice!  
*30 minutes later*  
Dear Diary, These FUCKING Delaneys.

~*~*~

Dear diary. Today I made a delicious breakfast and James decided a raw onion was more preferable. I don't even know why I try.

~*~*~ 

Dear Diary, Who would win, the combined might of the East India Trading Company, the Crown, and the United States of America, or one growly boy?

~*~*~

Dear Diary, That was a rhetorical entry.

~*~*~

Dear Diary, I spent the whole day cleaning this (literally) God forsaken house. James brought home a stray grave dog and tracked mud all over the house. Then he rolled in the mud and threw the ash from the fireplace all over the floor. I should've taken the arsenic for myself instead of wasting it on his father.

~*~*~

Dear Diary, Roof has a leak.

~*~*~

Dear Diary, These men keep trying to kill James. The boy survived drowning when he was a wee babe, these assassins are doomed from the start.

~*~*~

Dear Diary, I made James's bed just a I always do, like any good servant would. He slept curled up in the windowsill instead.

~*~*~

Dear Diary, Today I met a child James has taken under his protection. I thought it was sweet at first. Then he gave me a really realistic drawing of a man whose innards were decidedly in the wrong place. I'm concerned.

~*~*~

Dear Diary, I tried to make pleasant conversation with James but he ignored me and said he would rather talk to his mother. She's been dead for 20 years.

~*~*~

Dear Diary, Some woman shows up today claiming to be the lady of the house. I was sure James would chase her away, alas, the one time where his craziness fails me.

~*~*~

Dear Diary, Someone tried to kill James today. I think he ate the killer. He still won't touch my cooking. He has a use for everyone except for me. I've had enough!

~*~*~

Dear Diary, Just caught James chanting with his cock hard between his legs. Do I WANT to know?

~*~*~

Dear Diary, Zilpha's here. I'm scared.

~*~*~

Dear Diary, James said he would fix the roof.

~*~*~

Dear Diary, James is looking more murderous than usual. I think it's a brandy and bed kind of night for me today.

~*~*~

Dear Diary, James was talking in his sleep (? trance? ) again. I don't know what a Gotham is and frankly I'm afraid to ask.

~*~*~

Dear Diary, Roof not fixed.

~*~*~

Dear Diary, I cleaned and ironed all of James's clothes today (again!). It took me hours to get all the mud and blood and god knows what stains out. I don't even want to know what he's been getting up to. The bad news is despite the fact that he now has access to an entire clean wardrobe, he insists on shambling around in the same filthy shirt he's been wearing for days and I absolutely cannot induce him to wear pants of any kind. Lorna's no help at all. She's been encouraging him. As has that Godfrey fellow who's always hanging about.

~*~*~

Dear Diary, I take it back. I miss the days of the not-quite-long enough filthy shirt. I thought I'd try to forget all my stress by taking a walk by the lake. Let's just say, It Did Not Work.

~*~*~

Dear Diary, James came back from Godfrey's looking rested with a bounce in his step. He was gone for forty minutes, and the trip is twenty minutes each way. When did he find the time to sleep?!

~*~*~

Dear Diary, James admits he should hire someone to fix the roof.

~*~*~

Dear Diary, Asked James what he will do if some of his many enemies show up here. He suggested biting their heads off and piling them up in a corner. Not really what I was going for.

~*~*~

Dear Diary, They blew up his ship. They blew up his ship. What have they done to me?!

~*~*~

Dear Diary, Now I'm stuck with him. My future stretches before me, a bleak expanse of mumbles, growls, AND ASH ALL OVER THE GODDMN FLOOR! AGAIN

~*~*~

Dear Diary, James thinks he killed a girl. I do not understand why he's suddenly so upset. Maybe he's more mad than his father after all.

~*~*~

Dear Diary, Today James would only grunt at me. I tried to carry a conversation but I can only go so far on hnm and ha and hnagh.

~*~*~

Dear Diary, James ate a whole egg in one bite. Has his jaw become as unhinged as his mind?

~*~*~

Dear Diary, Today James said he'd like to give me a Christmas bonus. He asked if I'd rather have a priceless diamond or a human thumb. I think he was being serious.

~*~*~

Dear Diary, roof still not fixed.

~*~*~

Dear Diary, I have been carrying a heavy burden but I fear I can hide the secret no longer. I think James and Zilpha has had intimate dealings. Of the biblical kind.

~*~*~

Dear Diary, I finally got the house back in order after the soldiers trashed it.

~*~*~

Dear Diary, Soldiers raided the house AGAIN. I don't know why I even bother.

~*~*~

Dear Diary, THE AMERICANS

~*~*~

Dear Diary, If George comes by again I'm going to grab his leg and beg him to take me with him. He doesn't even have to pay me.

~*~*~

Dear Diary, James is in the Tower of London. I pity his captors. They don't know the hell they're in for.

~*~*~

Dear Diary, James is crying because he broke up with his half sister and now her ghost won't talk to him. How is this my life?

~*~*~

Dear Diary, George stopped by again. Why couldn't I work for him? Why am I stuck with this family of psychos?

~*~*~

Dear Diary, Sir Stewart Strange just died. He exploded. Who's surprised? Not me.

~*~*~

Dear Diary, I hear gun shots. Lots of them. This may be my last entry. You have been a stoic and reliable companion. Farewell.

~*~*~

Dear Diary, Never mind. James shot them all. A good day to have a mad man for a master.

~*~*~

Dear diary, today James told me he doesn't want me to come with him. I was devastated at first, then good sense prevailed and I am slightly pleased to be free of these crazy Delaneys.

~*~*~

Dear Diary, Roof still not fixed.


End file.
